We were supposed to be in Mobile, Alabama tonight, but we aren’t on the road yet. We did hop over to Houston to visit the rodeo (which was amazing and deserves its own post). But we’re back at the Country Home now.
Last week we were ready to pack up the bus and hit the road for a month. Jake had been working on the bus and he had everything fixed and ready to go. Monday morning he took it out for a test drive before we loaded everything up, and the radiator started to spray. Turns out there’s a crack in the plastic container that holds the coolant (or something to that effect). It’s a minor issue, but would take some time to order a new part and replace it. Time we didn’t have with our imminent departure. So we postponed our departure.
Postponing our departure meant shuffling our entire schedule around. We had already purchased tickets to Puerto Rico departing from Fort Lauderdale next week and so that part of the schedule was in stone. As we adjusted our itinerary, 10 days were shaved off the trip. By shaving 10 days off the trip, it made more sense to take the van rather than the bus to Florida. Plus we only had a few days to get to Fort Lauderdale and it would be easier to make good time in the van than in the bus.
I have to admit that as we were going through the process, it felt a bit like “if you give a mouse a cookie”. How did we go from loading the bus and getting on the road for a month to a two and a half week trip in the mini van? I was really disappointed by the decision. Wasn’t the whole point of going to Florida to close the loop? Plus I was so looking forward to getting back on the bus. Adventure awaits! Right? Let’s go already!
But as I looked around at my family, no one else was terribly disappointed. In fact, they took the change in stride. I think my boys were most excited about going to the Houston Rodeo and that we would still be going to Puerto Rico and to visit their friends in Florida. It didn’t matter to them how we got there or that our trip would be a bit shorter than originally planned.
Jake was happy for the extra time to work. He’s doing projects for a friend of ours. He’s building stuff and fixing stuff and a whole assortment of miscellaneous work. He loves every minute of it, so he was okay with the changes to our schedule as well.
So that just left me trying to put a finger on what I was feeling and why. I don’t understand this life we’re currently living. Are we still on The Big Blue Bus Tour? Or are we not? It’s like an in-between place. A waiting place. And I’m not good at waiting.
No one else around me seems to be waiting though. They are all squarely planted in today. Doing what needs to be done. Josh just signed a contract with his school to make t-shirts for them, so he’s setting up his new business and is excited beyond words. Sam always finds something to do, and most of the time is completely oblivious to what our plans are anyway. Jake is busy all the time. When he’s not working on projects for our friend, he’s working on the bus or on the Country Home. He falls into bed exhausted every night with the satisfaction of an honest day’s work and a job well done. And as an added bonus he’s got these muscles popping out everywhere from all the manual labor!
But me? I’m up at midnight writing blogs about not knowing how I fit in this life we’re living. What the heck?!
First, I should say that I love the life we are living! It is so simple and that appeals to me on every level. The bus is parked outside the Country Home. The Country Home is an amazing home on 12 peaceful acres in Texas outside San Antonio. The home is sparsely decorated. It’s been vacant for years. Nothing on the walls. No rugs on the gorgeous wood floor Jake installed last month. We live with the barest of essentials. Two queen size beds. A dining table and plastic chairs. My computer is perched on a folding table in the bedroom. Our friends (who own the home) brought us a used couch and love seat a few days ago. That’s it for furnishings.
Other than that we have only what we brought on the bus with us, which isn’t much. Some books, our clothes, only the very basics of kitchen supplies. And yet… it is all sufficient for our needs. What else could we ask for?
We have these amazing friends who feel like family and have welcomed us and made us feel at home. We dry our clothes on the line on the back porch. We don’t have cable or internet (other than very limited connection via a hotspot). Miss B entertains herself on the swing in the tree in the front yard. We go for family bike rides and we regularly eat tacos at the local taqueria. It’s perfect.
But it’s also temporary! It’s a waiting place. And while we’re here, what do I do? What is my part? What do I do while we are waiting? What do I do in this in-between place? I’ve been trying to identify my purpose and my plan and what I should be accomplishing. I’m a goal oriented person and prefer project based agendas.
As we laid in bed the other night and I expressed my feelings, Jake said, “How about you just enjoy yourself?”
Interesting suggestion. I actually laughed when he proposed it.
If you haven’t noticed from all my blog posts, living in the moment is something that I must consistently remind myself to do. I’m much better at preparing, organizing, and living by a plan. Which explains these feelings I’ve been having. I’m not worried about the future. Our needs are met and our family is happy. But other than living life, there is no plan. And that kills me.
We don’t know how long we will be here. We don’t know if we’ll get back on the bus again. We don’t know where we are going next. We don’t know when Jake’s job will figure itself out. We don’t know much about the future at all. No matter how much time I spend with a pen and paper trying to decipher our destiny, I can’t conjure something that doesn’t exist yet. Which brings me once again to today. All we have is this day. Tomorrow will eventually figure itself out.
So I’ll continue to embrace the simplicity of this life we are living and stop trying to complicate it. At least that’s a plan I can work for. We have everything we need right here. We are exactly where we are supposed to be. It’s the perfect life for our family right now. Even I can see that.